…Erect Anthony Wiener!
It’s election time in New York, the flyers of various candidates are coming into my mailbox in bundles and I can only feel special that all those famous people address me in my first name, like they knew me forever. Of course, it doesn’t take long before I get mad and start insulting various female members of their families, seeing that they for sure take me for an idiot, if I am to judge by the kind of language and “arguments” they use in order to allure me to their camp! It’s disheartening to realize how low the level of political deception has fallen, it’s not even amusing anymore, it’s just pathetic! Politics has met the fate of every other art form that as such has become popular like singing turning to karaoke, it’s done with itself, it’s kind of an expired product remaining on the self. The overexposure media can afford to various candidates during summer when no fresh programming is produced and political interviews are like Merlot – it goes with all kinds of food, even with dessert – also helps to make nothing out of not much anyway. The total demystification of the electoral process, this consumer-like populism that has converted real (so to say) people into products and (so to say) citizens into “America you Have Talent” knockoff judges, has made democracy look like Rush Limbaugh and sound like Arianna Huffington.
The only exception in this nut-scorched desert of no way outs, is Anthony Wiener, an oasis of a candidate that managed more than once …to arouse some kind of feelings, disgust or passion, among the receivers of the photo with his circumcised penis (come on Anthony, there are more conventional ways to prove you are Jewish. Make a donation to The New York City Ballet!) This man brought new meaning to a lot of meaningless things, including the race itself. He dared to be creative, different, eye the cell-phone camera and shoot straight while giving a whole new substance to “Say Cheese” when posing for a photo!
I don’t know what you think (and frankly I don’t care), but Anthony Wiener is my candidate and he deserves to be our next mayor. Not only for his energy, wit and playfulness (so New York, after all) but because unlike the other candidates, he hasn’t much left to hide! Can’t you get it people? We know him in and out!
In fact, I would consider voting for somebody else only if he had offered us, the spectators, the same kind of disclosure (are you listening John Catsimatidis?). Actually the Board of Election should seriously examine the possibility of asking the rest of the candidates to issue a photo of their penis in order not to be in disadvantage because Anthony Wiener did it first and more than once. From now on that must be a prerequisite for someone to run for office. It’s not enough to tell us you have balls, we have to see them, politicians say a lot of things and lie all the times, it comes with the business, but if we see with our own eyes and believe, then it’s our problem! “What you see is what you get” will acquire a totally new meaning and every politician will have to stand …erect! Election and erection should go hand in hand!
It is now up to the Board of Elections to implement this idea which has the potential to rejuvenate the political process by germinating in the electorate the kind of vigor our democracy is in grave need of. At the same time, the Board can work on a process by which it will certify the authenticity of each candidate’s penis, because some in order to impress might present somebody else’s as theirs. Alas, it is paramount that the integrity of the process remains intact, even if that means that the photo must be taken in the presence of one or more notary public (and I know some who would be happy to undertake such a responsibility). And whoever plays dirty must be …penilized on the spot!
Another issue of concern to me and I’m sure to many millions of New Yorkers, is repelling the decision that doesn’t allow people to smoke in the parks! This has gone too far, like when Giuliani started giving tickets to pedestrians that didn’t wait for the “Walk” signal before crossing the street. Or Bloomberg’s other remarkable idea, to regulate the size and the number of soda refills kids could drink (it would have been more honest to completely ban the shit, anyway). The moment a system starts imposing “health”, crossing the threshold of one’s ability to decide on something that could be harmful to him and only to him, totalitarianism is in the offing and the alarm bell has to sound (the EU has already banned kokoretsi. Hello?). There is an infinite number of things that you can enforce on people in the name of their “well-being” and once you start, the temptation to go further grows like Antony Wiener’s weanie before his cell phone camera. Now, you will tell me this is a cliché and that the state has the responsibility to care about its citizens’ health, etc. etc. which is another cliché. Getting into this discussion means that you have to play into the field of the “health” proponents and the most likely outcome is …to become sick! But I’m not going to fall into this trap, and here is an argument that I’m sure even our good mayor can reason with: if smokers won’t be allowed to enjoy their cigar or cigarette in the parks, while seeing and smelling the various sized and stink-exuding turds of countless pets, then we should get a tax break! Why pay taxes for something which we are not allowed to enjoy?
[sws_highlight hlcolor=”fbfac7″] P.S. a) Those who tell you how to live your life are experimenting at your expense … b) Beginning of the month and lots of bills to pay! Sex and the …Citi all over again! [/sws_highlight]